Ok, now that this is closed, here are the possibilities put forward:
- Cyberjock: Bad PSU
- Jailer: Motherboard
- Anodos: Generic haunting, possibly by Swedish Chef/Frank Oz
And here's the current status:
I've excluded the following possibilities:
- Bad RAM (known-good Corsair DIMM doesn't work, tried all DIMM slots)
- Some random component wreaking havoc (Graphics card, hard drive and the three NICs - tried an alternate graphics card)
- Corrupted CMOS (reset BIOS, removed battery, etc)
- Completely fubared PSU (voltages are ok, but I guess ripple might not be)
- Power cables reseated
I did notice something odd when first checking the motherboard power cable - moving the bundle of cables that contains it immediately caused the motherboard to lose power. This leads me to believe something
is wrong with the PSU, and I'll be checking that next.
Should the known-good PSU not solve the problem, I'll try swapping the CPU. If that doesn't work, I'll declare the motherboard (which, by the way, is an Asus P5QL/EPU) dead.
I also made sure the case's piezo speaker wasn't bust - I had one lying around (my server's case came with one, but Supermicro X10 boards have one on board, though they still have the header for an external one). Still nothing. No graphics output throughout the whole process.